I'm sorry for the pain I cause others and I'm sorry for the pain I cause myself.
I'm angry at myself tonight; so very angry that I am not in recovery and angry that it is so hard to choose recovery. What is wrong with me? I need to be better for my kids. I tell everyone I'm trying but that has been a lie and I hate being a liar. I absolutely hate lying.
So tonight, I am just sorry. I'm sorry if I'm fake. I'm sorry for the worries and the triggers and the pain. I hate myself for doing this to other people.
This doesn't just affect me. If it did, I don't think I'd care as much. But I care too much about the people around me and it makes me sick that I have hurt other people.
My actions have hurt other people.
I want the big heart that I have to encompass myself and help with my healing. Why does my big heart have an easier time loving others? I need to rewire it to start loving myself.
I need recovery. I need help. And I need to stop bringing other people down because that, in turn, hurts me more.
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ReplyDeleteSorry… typo. What it said… don't forget, tonight. Don't forget that just for tonight you can not deny God's love for you. Remember.
DeleteI promise, I won't. I will never forget last night for many reasons. Last night taught me so much, good and bad.
DeleteGod loves me so much. God is AWARE of me.
Thank you.