Right now, it is the song "I Believe" by Christina Perri. I posted it a week ago when I wrote When Wendy Met Alice because I usually imagine Alice singing it to me when I listen to it. Is that a weird thing for me to do? Maybe I'm also obsessed with Alice---yeah, probably true but I'm comfortable with that. She's pretty great.
Anyway...
When I hear this song, there is always a part that sticks out to me. "I wish that you could see your scars turn into beauty." I've been thinking about this phrase all day. I believe that will happen. Actually, I've seen it happen.
When I was infertile for years and years, I ached. I was a mess. I wanted so badly what so many other women could just do without hardly trying. Peter was not supportive after the first few months. He got sick of my baby fever and would often call me selfish for having a hard time as each of my sisters announced pregnancies. It was a really dark time for me---second only to my divorce from him. But after a few years, I could literally see how those scars from my infertility pain had turned into beauty. I was a different person because God had allowed me to experience an empathy toward others who were struggling. My empathy surpassed anything I had ever experienced and I got to a point where I could see the good in other people really easily.
Although Peter leaving has been the hardest thing I've ever faced in my life up to this point, I will always have those scars from infertility, from miscarriages, and from the many other trials I've experienced. These have all made me who I am today.
And I really hope that someday, the scars from my eating disorder and from divorce and Peter's pornography addiction will become beautiful scars that help me live a little more than I was before. I hope I am able to recognize those scars changing and making me a better woman, a better mother, and a better friend. I want so badly to be able to refrain from ever judging others. That is God's job, not mine, and only He knows our hearts. I wholeheartedly believe that if we knew everyone's story, we would be able to love them a little more.
Everyone has a story. Everyone struggles. Be kind to the people around you today---and every day.
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