You know that post about being selfish last month?
I had to be selfish this past week and make a decision that
I did not want to make.
I had to quit my job teaching dance.
It was weird how much anxiety I was feeling when it came to
making this decision and then how much peace I felt after it was done.
I’ve been burned so many times. Too many times. And this
time, I was done being burned. I was done spending my days with anxiety over
how my boss felt about me and spending nights teaching dance and feeling the
anxiety dissipate because dancing is such great therapy for me. It was an absolutely
unhealthy rollercoaster.
A month ago, I loved that job more than any other paying job
I’ve ever had.
But as it has been before with my life, there were red flags
regarding my boss and her personality. I knew she could flip a switch quickly
but as it has been before with my life, I believed she wouldn’t do that to me.
How could she not like me? My classes had the highest numbers of students. The
parents loved me. I loved all of them.
And when something switched in her, I asked to have a
meeting with her to go over why she was calling me a liar and accusing me of
going behind her back. I decided the right thing to do would be to sit down
face-to-face and explain why I had been misunderstood.
The confusing part is that meeting went really well---or
maybe that’s not the confusing part. Maybe I’ve been through this multiple
times in my life with different people.
Things were better for a few weeks until last Friday.
Last Friday, I got a text saying she was cutting my classes
in half.
Ok. That sucks. It doesn’t really make sense. But ok.
And then lower down in the text, she began accusing my son of
inappropriate behavior in the studio and she used the phrases “I’m thinking it’s
happened a lot of times but other kids haven’t said anything” and “Kids with
problems like this”, among other assumptions.
And it took everything I had in me not to say “EFF YOU!”
back to her text.
Not only because I have given so much to that studio but
also because my son is six and ONE time of him showing the character print on
his damn underwear to his friend does not make him a ‘predator’---in fact,
although we’ve talked about not doing that ever again, it’s absolutely normal
six year old behavior---and he’s SIX!
And I just knew in that moment that I had to quit to protect
my son and myself.
Because it wasn’t the first time and somehow, I knew it
wouldn’t be the last.
Somehow I knew this wasn’t going to end and that if I
continued just for the mere fact that I love teaching dance, the fallout was
going to be so much worse.
And although it’s been an emotionally hard weekend and my
daughter was caught in the crossfire and had to lose her spot on their
competitive dance team, we are already picking up the pieces.
She starts at a new studio this week and I’ve even noticed a
little bit of excitement in her voice.
I’m proud of the decision I made to be selfish in favor of
my family. I’m proud of the lessons I learned and the way I handled everything.
I may not be anywhere near perfect but I am learning and
growing from my experiences.
And I guess if life is going to keep throwing sticky
situations my way, at least I’m learning how to handle them better than I used
to.
