I was oblivious to Peter's addictions our entire marriage. In 2013, he left our family. Three months later, we were filing for divorce and exactly 60 days after that, our divorce was final.
It all happened so fast. I went from thinking I'd be married for eternity to being divorced in a matter of months. And it was during these months that I started to find out bits and pieces of his addictions to alcohol and drugs.
Two months after our divorce was final, I asked Peter about pornography and found out that he had struggled with a full blown addiction six of the seven years we were married. I have since learned that his main reason for leaving was because of the shame he felt from his pornography addiction.
There are so many layers to this story. There is so much heartache. There is so much pain that I feel physically because of my ex-husband's addictions.
But although he is an addict and decided to run away from us, I am also an addict and I feel a sense of empathy for the trials he is facing---although I'll never agree with the choices he made.
I have struggled with an eating disorder since I was 14 years old. I didn't act on my addiction at all in my marriage, although it is something that is always in the back of my mind. When my husband left, all feelings of worth went out the window and although I tried to stay strong, I found myself back in the cycle of addiction.
I am currently trying to recover but it is an every day battle. Some days, I succeed and some days. my eating disorder is too big to handle.
Our life is messy but we are trying to make it work and find happiness amidst all of these dark feelings and memories.
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