Our Flawed Love Story: Part 1

Our flawed love story started two weeks before I graduated high school. I was young. I didn't want to grow up but growing up with him seemed like a dream.

I had struggled with self-love in the past. I had an eating disorder. I had rebelled against the things I knew were right. I had followed friends I never should have followed. I was broken and his love would fix me.

I caught his eye first and I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that. I convinced myself I wasn't attracted to him and that I didn't need him. I told myself those words over and over again because 18 year olds don't get married and in my case, this was true. But in my case, a 19 year old got married instead and that wasn't much better.

The weeks turned into months and my infatuation with him grew. I convinced myself that I needed him and at that point, he wasn't sure he needed me anymore. He told me we couldn't date. He refused to tell me the reason for weeks and when he did tell me, I convinced myself I could fix him. He was addicted to pain killers. This didn't stop my growing love, rather it made me work harder for us to be together. The story was sad. It wasn't his fault he was addicted. He had injured himself months prior and just couldn't kick the habit of taking the pain medication.

And so my flawed fight began. For him, I would do anything. For him, I would be anything. The only thing I wanted in return was his love. His love meant everything to me. On the days he showed interest, I was on Cloud 9 and on the days it seemed like he would never love me back, I had no desire to get out of bed.

I acted strong. I told myself it was persistence. I told myself that his love made me worth something.

The day his affection for me showed, I knew I wanted to marry this boy. He was my Peter Pan. He made me laugh. He showed me what I was worth.

I would sometimes catch him in little lies. He would say something about how he was raised or the "cool" rebellious things he did in high school and I would find out it wasn't true and I would tell myself he was just trying to impress me. He promised he was done with pain killers and that we could now date and get married and live a happy life together. I wholeheartedly believed every word he said.

Because he was my Peter Pan and I was his Wendy. What could possibly go wrong?

To continue on to Part 2, click here.