Our Flawed Love Story: Part 6

To start from the beginning, click here.

August 24th, 2013 seemed like a normal Saturday. Peter Pan headed to work in the morning and said he would work a half day and then we could do something as a family. The kids and I spent the morning cleaning and playing and having a good time together.

Lunchtime passed and there was no word from Peter so I tried calling him. He didn't answer but immediately texted me back, "What's up?"

I had no reason to think anything of this. He was supposed to be at work and I could've assumed he couldn't pick up the phone at the moment. But I heard a distinct voice in that moment that said, "Go to his work."

I didn't text Peter back. Instead, I packed our children in the car and drove the 15 minutes it took to get to his office building. They questioned where we were driving but I didn't want them to know so I told them we would find a place to get a treat.

I pulled into the parking lot and not even one car was in sight. My heart sunk. Where was he? The questions started circulating of an affair or some other huge secret he was hiding from me.

I called his cell phone. He didn't answer. I called a second time. He didn't answer. When I called the third time, he picked up and angrily said, "What? I'm at work and I can't talk right now!"

It wasn't in my nature to stay calm but I did. I explained to him that I knew he wasn't at work and I just wanted to know where he was and why he was lying.

In the next 15 minutes, I heard a lot of things that I still struggle with. I heard complaints of unhappiness in our marriage. I was told I wasn't good enough for him because I didn't cook or clean well enough. I was told I was ignoring him and spending all of my time with the children.

He claimed to just be at his friend's house because "he needed a break from our family". He claimed he had been doing this most Saturdays for the last few months. He claimed he wanted a separation and when I asked him to come home, he refused.

I drove straight to my sister's house because I didn't know what else to do. She kept my kids and told me I needed to meet Peter at home to talk face to face.

I called him and he finally agreed to come home.

I didn't know what I would say or what I would do when I saw him. I paced back and forth until he drove up.

Talking didn't really help. He had already decided he wanted to separate so the only thing we did was figure out the logistics of this. He decided he would pack up and be gone by the time I came home with the kids so I left.

I felt like my heart had just shattered into a million pieces.

I didn't feel stable enough to see my kids so I drove to my best friend's house and melted on her shoulder. When I calmed down a bit, I noticed she was dressed up and I asked her if I was ruining date night. She said they were on their way to the temple and I was coming with them. I didn't even try to say no because I knew the temple was the only place I wanted to be right then.

The temple was an interesting experience that night. The first person I saw when we walked in was Peter's grandpa. Then, his aunt and uncle ended up being in my same temple session. It was an amazing Spiritual experience for me and I knew that I was supposed to be there that night.

My best friend's husband gave me a blessing that night before I headed over to my sister's to cry myself to sleep on her couch.

Fear was my companion that night.