Resenting his move, resenting his return

I'm just so damn angry. Ever since Pan moved back to the same general area as us, I cannot stand him.

I seriously cannot stand him!

Everything he does and says is stupid and his face is stupid and his actions are stupid. I am usually a more reasonable person but for some reason, I cannot stand to be in the same room as him!

I'm confused about this because I don't remember being this angry with him the last time he lived here...as in, three months ago. I think I feel a resentment toward him for moving because he left so quickly. I feel like he doesn't really accept his responsibility to our children like I do. He takes them "often"---as in, every other weekend and a night or two a week except he only saw them TWICE the whole time he had lived in another state...which broke his promise of coming home every other wekeend. But he's a hero, right? He should be able to make equal parenting decisions, right?

I know that's the way it is supposed to work. I know he is supposed to be able to tell me his opinion on babysitters and discipline and everything in between but because I feel like he abandoned us for a few months and left his responsibilities behind, he shouldn't have the right to come back and act like NOTHING HAS CHANGED!

Because while he was gone, I did everything on my own! I didn't have a break consistently. I made decisions for our kids, took them where they needed to go, and got babysitters when I was ready for the looney bin. I did it all. On. My. Own.

We had a routine. I was used to being their sole caregiver. I was used to the decisions. But I was excited when he decided to move back because I'd have some weekends and weeknights free again.

But Pan has come back and everytime I've seen him, I've wanted to punch him in the face. I can't stand the sight of him, let alone his voice. He says the dumbest, most controlling things. He reprimands me for decisions I've made regarding our kids. I got a babysitter for 45 minutes instead of calling him and he got angry because "that's not on the parenting plan". Everytime he has come to get the kids, he walks through the front door and perches himself on the couch or at the kitchen table while I try to rush the kids out the door. I don't WANT to hang out with him. I don't WANT to have a friendship right now.

So yesterday, I talked to him about it. I asked him to keep his distance and when he gets the kids, to stay outside and wait for me to send them out.

And as you can guess, he got offended...because "Why can't we be friends? Why am I so mean? Why am I so angry? Why?!" and I didn't give him a response. He doesn't deserve a response right now. He just needs to keep my boundaries or shit is gonna go down. People are gonna get crazy---and by people, I mean me---and by crazy, I mean eat a bucket of chocolate ice cream and throw shoes at the wall.

So I hope Pan can stick to the boundaries and shut his face the rest of the time. I hope he can try to understand that I cannot always do things exactly how he wants them done because he chose to leave me and I no longer have to listen to him. I can parent however the hell I want!

And I'm sorry I had a friend's husband watch my kids while I went to dinner. I did not have time {literally} to drop them off to him at his residence twenty minutes away because I had a meeting immediately after dinner at my home. I had to have my kids close by for the sake of that meeting happening on time.

So...
GAH! Go away, Pan! Better yet, stay close by but keep your mouth shut more often!!!

And stop calling me every 3 hours to ask a ridiculous question "about our children". Because even though it's not technically breaking a boundary, it kind of is in the sneakiest way possible.

Get the hell out of my life but make sure you still take the kids every other weekend because I sincerely need a break. I love them but I need a break.

Sincerely,
The-burnt-out-but-otherwise-awesome-Wendy