Maybe it's the naturally sandy brown hair. Maybe it's the pursed lips. But probably it's the headband across the forehead---because that is one of my favorite pieces of jewelry (?Is it jewelry?) to wear.
I'm holding on by a thousand threads---which is way better than one, amiright?
Some days, a few threads break off. Other days, a hundred of them are snapped. But the thing is, some days, I have learned to attach a few extras on for safety.
So when I feel like I'm going to drown, there is a lifeboat nearby.
Because of my eating disorder recovery and the helluva rollercoaster this all is for me, I am trying to build myself a few safety vests for the times I am low...which is now.
So although I no longer see a therapist {probably not the best idea} and I really crave buying a scale right now, I have also set up safety nets for when I am acting this way.
I have friends that I force myself to talk to when I really don't want to talk. I have written messages ALL OVER my mirror and the white board in my room that remind me who I am and why I'm fighting. I read old journals when I contemplate being "back there"---as in, back to the way things were 4 months ago in the worst of the worst of this.
Because control seems like something I want but what I really want is God to keep control. Even though I have a hard time trusting life and keeping my heart safe, I try really hard to believe that this is not the way things are going to be forever.
I have to believe that. It's what I have right now.
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