It's already been another month.
Another month of loving you and raising you.
We have become so complacent. I feel like you are mine and I believe that nothing will change that.
But I'm scared of the complacency. I'm scared that I'm going to get the rug pulled out from underneath my feet.
Your caseworker wants you here with us. So did your last one. And so do your therapist and your lawyer. And because I hear so many stories about caseworkers and lawyers pushing for reunification even when it may not make sense, I feel like God gave us these people who can see where you are meant to be.
Your case has two big developments from the past month.
The first one being that your birth father wants to willingly sever his rights from you---and from your baby brother or sister. Which brings me to the next huge development...
You are going to be a big brother.
I don't say that with an exclamation point, even though as I typed it, that's how I read it in my mind. I'm just still trying to wrap my head around it all. It's sad. And it's crazy. And it's a tiny bit exciting but it's also not really something that should be exciting. I just hope that somehow, someway, you will get to have this sibling in your life.
It's hard to imagine that at 11 months old, you will become a big brother. It's also hard to imagine what decision we will make at that time if (but more likely when) your baby brother or sister goes into foster care.
It's ok that I don't know what to do. Because God knows. And I'm preparing myself as best I can to be ready for whatever He wants us to do.
It makes me sad that your birth father has not seen you since you were 6 weeks old and that he doesn't get to know how amazing you are.
It makes me sad that your birth mother loves you but will most likely never be capable of raising you.
But it makes me happy that this is where you landed---that I got a miracle call on Easter Sunday and that I got to meet you.
I know this won't be an easy journey for you for many reasons.
I know it won't be easy to grow up without a full understanding of why you aren't being raised by your biological parents. I know it won't be easy being raised by a full Caucasian family when you are biracial (African-American & Caucasian, we believe).
But I promise you that I will be there for you every step of the way. I promise to walk with you in the hard times.
Every day, I am in awe of you, my miracle baby boy.
Because the fact is---and this is heart-wrenching for me to type---you were an attempted abortion. And you survived abuse in utero that flashes through my mind almost daily. They tell me your birth father did not want another child and that he was angry. They tell me your birth mother was most likely taken advantage of because of her low mental capacity. They tell me this case is way more complicated than it was when you were first born and they told me you'd be with me for "maybe a few weeks" because your birth parents seemed fine and they just needed to prove safe housing for you.
And I am telling you right now, Bear Cub, if nothing else proved that God sees us all individually, THIS DOES. Because He protected you. He loves you.
And you are truly a miracle.
I'll love you forever, my happy, baby boy. You are such a bright light in my life and I am thankful for you every day.
Sincerely,
Your Momma
No comments:
Post a Comment