December Court

They said it was supposed to be a severance hearing.

They told me everyone agreed.

But then, on the morning of the hearing, they changed their minds.

Not enough time has passed. 
We won't win if we try to sever right now. 
She needs more time. 

I thought I was walking in to a court hearing for a severance and adoption case plan change. I thought we were starting the process of adopting our Cubby. For some stupid reason, I thought we would be the exception to the rule that 'everything is messy in foster care and adoption cases'.

Ha...ha...ha...

I feel stupid for even thinking that.

Cubby's bio mom knew they were going to ask for a case plan change and she seemed happy when they changed their minds the day of court. She had every right to be happy. I'm not mad at her. Really, I'm not mad at anyone.

But on the day of court, she let the caseworker know that she would be moving to Tucson two days later. And since then, she's been MIA and is not coming to visits.

We think she is running away because she doesn't want DCS to take her unborn baby when he/she is born.

It's not even that I wanted that baby. But I am sad she is making that choice. Because there are so many safety issues and I am praying that baby is safe after birth.

I'm frustrated that they didn't change our case plan and instead of that pushing bio to work harder, she ran away and is no longer even coming to see Cub.

Maybe I should be happy. It seems that adoption was going to happen and this will only help our case but I'm not happy. I'm sad that neither of Cubby's biological parents get to know how amazing and hilarious and adorable he is. I'm sad that they aren't fighting for him every second that they can.

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to give him the most beautiful life but it still breaks my heart. It's still hard to be riding this rollercoaster.

But it's worth it. With every fear and every hard court hearing (they asked me to speak at this most recent one), I know I am doing what it takes to fight for my boy.


I wish you all could know him. He is the happiest baby in the world. He has the cutest dimples and the chubbiest thighs, blue eyes and a beautiful darker skin tone. I never knew it would be possible to love someone else as deeply as I love my older two children but Cubby has shown me that it is possible.

He is loved no differently than if he had come from my own womb. He is my buddy when the older kids go to their dad's house. He keeps me busy and makes me smile.

I love this boy and will fight for him as best I can for however long I can.

And hopefully that is forever.