Hope

I find myself hearing story after story of broken marriages and promises and hearts, of broken dreams and broken lives. It's hard to be in a situation where you understand the hell of divorce and can relate to other stories because you end up hearing a lot of them.

And you do understand them. You just don't want to understand. Because hearing these stories is devastating. It reminds you that life is full of hellish times and sorrowful trials. It reminds you that you cannot change everyone or believe that the world is going to magically get better.

Pornography is everywhere. Infidelity is more common. Homes are breaking every day.

Hope is lost on me a lot of the time because the world is a sad place right now. I hear about the way husbands treat wives and I ache for the lives that a lot of people live silently. 

I'm sad for me. I'm sad for you. 

I think about the stress of raising my children in a world full of broken people and I wonder what that will look like. I wonder if statistics will just become a part of our lives. I wonder if my children will have a hard time keeping commitments because their parents have broken an extremely important commitment to each other. 

They are going to grow up thinking this is normal. They are going to grow up, knowing how to navigate through two homes, two separate lives, two relationships with two people they love very much. And they are going to be among a wide variety of children who are navigating through the same things.

I just want to have hope that life isn't just one big freaking mess. I want to have hope that men are good and aren't just bastards who take take take and have a hard time giving. I'm not trying to be a man hater...it just so happens that I'll have to fight the hatred I've been programmed to feel because of my individual situation. 

I'm not bitter toward my life. I'm just sad. Because this is nothing like the life I imagined I would have. This life is full of more heartache than I would've ever preferred. I cringe at the thought of knowing I'd come down to earth to live through these trials. That must've been a hard decision. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was an easy decision because I knew how sweet the end result would be. 

Just maybe.

I hope the ending is sweet. I hope I get to have days full of laughter and security and unfailing love. 

Unfailing love. I wonder what that would even feel like. I hope the day comes when I'll be able to experience that. 

And in the meantime, I hope the millions of broken hearts in the world can feel of God's love so none of us have to go through this hell all alone.