I always envision us working together for the good of our family, striving to do what is best for the kids.
But this is nothing like that vision in my head.
I ask Peter to help out extra days or nights and most of the time, he's "too busy". He currently sees the kids 5 days a month and he is too busy to take any extra time with them.
Having his girlfriend around has only aggravated this problem. He chooses her over the kids constantly. He ignores them for long periods of time but then when he wants to pay attention to them, they run straight back into his arms because he is their dad and they want his approval.
But from the outside looking in, it's hard on me to just sit back and watch as he manipulates them left and right. It's hard to see how hard they take it when he doesn't show up and how happy they get when it's finally time to see him again.
It's one of the worst things to witness as a mother because their emotions are being played with constantly.
I resent Peter for the time he spends away from them. I resent him when he says he can't help me tag team a Saturday where one kid has dance and the other has a basketball game at the exact same time.
When I chose to become a parent, I did not sign up to do it alone. But here I am, doing it alone most of the time.
I'm so angry with Peter. So, so angry. And I just needed to get that out tonight.
I have had very similar experiences. At first I was trying to force the relationship with their dad. Then when I realized that that wasn't my job it relieved so much guilt. When we react emotionally to their actions they still have control over us. I now am so thankful he's not that involved. Bc it means I will have the connection with my kids that their dad is so sadly missing out on. I know how exhausting it is to do it all yourself. Finding my own hobbies and outlets and other single moms with kids were really helpful. Reach out if you need anything. Good luck sista. You go this.
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