Peter Got Married---I Got A Lawyer

I went private for months.
I shut this down because I wanted to erase all of the things I've ever written.

I wanted another fresh start.

And I tried to walk away.

When Peter started dating Tiger Lily, I lost myself. I tried to imagine life with her in it. Permanently. And then on Easter, he asked her to marry him with the help of our children.

And I stayed afloat for the kids but inside, I was dying.

I was asked to write a letter to the First Presidency for his temple clearance and got physically ill. And then I sat down every night for two weeks and wrote. Eventually I finished it and sent it to Peter's bishop.

And I thought that would be the hardest thing I'd do this whole year.

But 2017 has decided to be a bitch and slap me across the face a few more times.

And right before Peter got married, I was served papers stating that he was fighting for 50/50 custody because his new wife could help him raise our kids. His new wife. Peter has a new wife. And now they want to take my kids 50% of the time after I've poured myself into raising them full time while he did whatever the hell he's wanted for four years. So now that he's "settled down", he has time for them?

Needless to say, this summer has been hell.

I've tortured myself with "what if's" every single day. I've gone back on anxiety medication because I can hardly withstand the anxiety attacks that have ensued.

I've been present more with my kids, not knowing how much time I have left to be their full time momma.

And I hired a lawyer.

I know 50/50 custody isn't the worst thing in the entire world. I know life will go on if this happens. I understand there are harder things than this.

But for me, this is devastating---not only because Peter has been so uninvolved and apathetic toward our children in the past but because I have poured myself into them so much.

Motherhood is the best part of my life. The very best part. And I am so incredibly close to my kids.

And because of that, I just cannot imagine only seeing them every other week of their lives.

Please pray for our family. 

Please.