Sometimes The Fall Kills You

She was thrown to the ground, shunned by the ones she loved, torn apart by her seemingly loyal relationships. 

They laughed. They saw her as an outcast, a wild beast that needed to leave. 

Now. 

Leave now, they told her. Never come back to this sacred place for it is ours. It is not yours. You do not belong. 

She ran through trees and cut her shins on twigs and thorns. The forest was dangerous but she kept on running. 

And as she ran from village to village, she realized she didn't belong. 

She did not belong anywhere. 

She tried the lovers, the fighters, the sinners, the Christians, the non-believers and none of them accepted her. None of them could see who she really was. 

Days. Months. Years. She wondered when it would end. She wondered when the nightmares would stop and when the sun would begin to shine. 

Her heart was a thousand pieces of a puzzle she did not know how to put back together. 

No one understood. No one was trustworthy. No one kept her safe. 

The villages that preached love and acceptance, the villages filled with broken people---they all seemed like places she wanted to be but they hated her. 

They hated her because they couldn't see her goodness.

Her legs bled from each deep wound she endured while trying to find a place where she would be loved. 

And one day she realized that the only person she could count on is herself. No one else would always be there. No one else could love her through her mistakes. 

It was then that she realized the biggest problem. For although all of the others had shunned her, she had also shunned herself. She had been the biggest hater of them all. 

For she knows all of the imperfections. She knows all of the stupid decisions and weak moments and mistakes inside and out and there wasn't a person in the world who she could allow herself to ever fully open up to again. 

She blamed it on herself. Who else could she blame it on? She is the reason they hate her. She is the reason scars cover her legs. 

She is unworthy of love and acceptance. She is unworthy of vulnerable friendships and steady relationships. 

Often times she feels unworthy of life. 

But she will fight for now. 

Today she is holding on. Today she still breathes and fights through the pain that has resulted from those battle wounds. 

She doesn't believe in herself but she is trying. She is trying to find her path in her world filled with darkness and loneliness. 

Never will her life be the same as it was. Never again will she be able to look through rose-colored glasses and believe that goodness is common. 

Because life has proved to her that it isn't. 

Life has proved to be unstable and cruel and lonely.