Finding Me

I get it. 

I get how hard it is to understand my side of this. 

I get why you want to save me. I've been in your same shoes. I've felt that way about the very people I love. 

But I don't need saving. I really don't think I'm all that lost. In fact, I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. 

When I take my mind off of what people will think of me, I feel a happiness I haven't felt in a long time. 

I am happy. 

Tonight I am happy. 

I feel less burdened by so much of my past pain. I feel like a warrior. 

I told my closest friends and was met with love. 

And then I told my mom...and at first, it was rocky but she listened. 

I felt heard. It was beautiful. 

On Monday morning, my dad sent me an email that contained some advice but also a lot of compassion for the things I am feeling. 

They don't hate me. In fact, they hear me. It is more than I could've ever hoped for. 

I don't know if it will always last. I'm sure there are still bumps in the road. But I'm feeling closer to God. I'm feeling happier and more peaceful. I feel less pressure to be the person everyone wants me to be. 

Instead, I am finding out who I want to be. 

And while I'm here trying to find that out, I am so grateful to know that there are people who will always love me. There are people who show up and don't leave. There are people who love me for me. 

And tonight, that is all I need.