There is a familiar feeling here.
The feeling of my hands shaking. My head spinning. My knees weak. My throat sore. And my stomach empty.
How can feeling weak also feel so powerful?
That is the million dollar question. That is the question I've asked over the past decade and haven't quite figured out.
Control is a part of it. But there is more. There is a feeling of pride, of being strong enough to endure this hell to get the final outcome.
The final outcome.
I don't know what it looks like yet but I know I want it.
And I'm at a crossroads where I need this.
I need it.
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